E-TV!!!

It is not E-TV as in E-mail, E-card or E-transaction or lots of other Es that we are surrounded by. This is my wish come true, it has not been even a month since my first blog “Television! Television! Television!” was written and E-published (on places where only I read them), it seems that my dearest president of Pakistan his highness Mr. Musharaf not only read it, but took E-action and imposed the E-mergency. And all my nagging complaints were put to rest.

E-TV is great everyone loves everyone, a lot of progress in our country especially in Punjab is highlighted, and most importantly it covers the truth. No seriously the exact words are “We don’t break the news. We cover the truth” imagine! I love the long term vision of E-TV it is very simple yet deep, convert I-diots to E-diots (I know it sounds more like converting a Mac user to a Vista user which is not easy by any means). But this is the challenge and I have full faith in my Leader that he will succeed, because he is not throwing punches in the air like most of the I-diots, he has a complete plan laid out. A plan that has no grey areas either you’re an “I” or an “E”. If you choose to remain an “I” your plugs will be pulled no one will know why or where you are acting funny since E-TV will be covering the truth. And temptation to convert is so E-conomic that it only makes sense to do so.

Hopefully all the I-diots will realize that in these dangerous times they had I-nstigated so much of chaos that E-mergency was the only thing left for the president and his entourage to stay E-conomically safe. And I am sure most of the I-diots would have done the same if they had the power. With time things change and change is I-nconvenient, it is time to sign the E-paper to run the E-comerce and become an EEEEEEEEWW (the last two “Ws” where a typo).

IS-ing my Face!

Moving on I was guessing that my TV was the only irritating mode of communication at hand (no I haven’t bought a new TV or a contract with any network). Severely overrated social life that I have these days “Facebook” has turned out to be nuisance as well specially from the day I installed it on my Blackberry. Now imagine this I am sitting in front of my TV (you know how sad that is) and my berry goes ‘ping’ ‘ping’ breaks my concentration and no matter how hard I resist I do pick it up thinking that some thing exciting is about to happen but guess what I see is “XYZ is scratching his butt”.

Now this should be enough to just uninstall the application put in a good DVD with beautiful women and simply watch more TV. Sounds so simple right? but it is easier said than done. Once I read a status update by any of my friends I feel it my obligation to come up with a more creative (or sick) update for myself. Otherwise imagine the public humiliation that “Sarmad updated his status 8 hrs ago”. 8 hrs is a lifetime if my friends came to know that I had no contact with internet for this long my life is over. So I start to think as creatively as I can, but guess what nothing that I have not read on others profile comes to mind. Stage 2 is to think of good quotes by famous people and give them a “IS” twist but when you are updating your status every couple of hours and not reading any new books you run out of such quotes. Then comes the stage 3 ok now quickly put in a CD of some alternative singer that most of the people in my friends list don’t listen to and try “IS-ing” a verse or a lyric, occasionally it works. But when it does not than the going gets tough and extreme measures such as expletives, signs, symbols come to rescue.

This doesn’t end here it is a ‘never ending’ struggle (like the never ending movie quiz) to stay on top. Though there are no rewards and Facebook wasn’t something I looked up for it just popped up in my email one day and now it is gradually taking over. It’s a war of egos everyone watching everyone. It was never suppose to be MY war but like most wars I am fighting it day in and out without ever knowing why.