E-TV!!!

It is not E-TV as in E-mail, E-card or E-transaction or lots of other Es that we are surrounded by. This is my wish come true, it has not been even a month since my first blog “Television! Television! Television!” was written and E-published (on places where only I read them), it seems that my dearest president of Pakistan his highness Mr. Musharaf not only read it, but took E-action and imposed the E-mergency. And all my nagging complaints were put to rest.

E-TV is great everyone loves everyone, a lot of progress in our country especially in Punjab is highlighted, and most importantly it covers the truth. No seriously the exact words are “We don’t break the news. We cover the truth” imagine! I love the long term vision of E-TV it is very simple yet deep, convert I-diots to E-diots (I know it sounds more like converting a Mac user to a Vista user which is not easy by any means). But this is the challenge and I have full faith in my Leader that he will succeed, because he is not throwing punches in the air like most of the I-diots, he has a complete plan laid out. A plan that has no grey areas either you’re an “I” or an “E”. If you choose to remain an “I” your plugs will be pulled no one will know why or where you are acting funny since E-TV will be covering the truth. And temptation to convert is so E-conomic that it only makes sense to do so.

Hopefully all the I-diots will realize that in these dangerous times they had I-nstigated so much of chaos that E-mergency was the only thing left for the president and his entourage to stay E-conomically safe. And I am sure most of the I-diots would have done the same if they had the power. With time things change and change is I-nconvenient, it is time to sign the E-paper to run the E-comerce and become an EEEEEEEEWW (the last two “Ws” where a typo).

IS-ing my Face!

Moving on I was guessing that my TV was the only irritating mode of communication at hand (no I haven’t bought a new TV or a contract with any network). Severely overrated social life that I have these days “Facebook” has turned out to be nuisance as well specially from the day I installed it on my Blackberry. Now imagine this I am sitting in front of my TV (you know how sad that is) and my berry goes ‘ping’ ‘ping’ breaks my concentration and no matter how hard I resist I do pick it up thinking that some thing exciting is about to happen but guess what I see is “XYZ is scratching his butt”.

Now this should be enough to just uninstall the application put in a good DVD with beautiful women and simply watch more TV. Sounds so simple right? but it is easier said than done. Once I read a status update by any of my friends I feel it my obligation to come up with a more creative (or sick) update for myself. Otherwise imagine the public humiliation that “Sarmad updated his status 8 hrs ago”. 8 hrs is a lifetime if my friends came to know that I had no contact with internet for this long my life is over. So I start to think as creatively as I can, but guess what nothing that I have not read on others profile comes to mind. Stage 2 is to think of good quotes by famous people and give them a “IS” twist but when you are updating your status every couple of hours and not reading any new books you run out of such quotes. Then comes the stage 3 ok now quickly put in a CD of some alternative singer that most of the people in my friends list don’t listen to and try “IS-ing” a verse or a lyric, occasionally it works. But when it does not than the going gets tough and extreme measures such as expletives, signs, symbols come to rescue.

This doesn’t end here it is a ‘never ending’ struggle (like the never ending movie quiz) to stay on top. Though there are no rewards and Facebook wasn’t something I looked up for it just popped up in my email one day and now it is gradually taking over. It’s a war of egos everyone watching everyone. It was never suppose to be MY war but like most wars I am fighting it day in and out without ever knowing why.

Television! Television! Television!

So jumbled up looking at and looking for so many things (consciously or unconsciously), that are not worth the effort. I think I need to get rid of my TV it is taking up too much of my brain power and with sun setting before I wrap up my work rolling out on the streets with Thakur is also restricted to weekends only.

Why is my TV to blame? for one it is too old and I don’t like the look of it anymore and while watching it I concentrate more on its colors, brightness and contrast hoping to find a fault (which I usually do) than the shows. If god forbid I do start watching a show especially on a local channel than I cannot stop hating myself enough. Not because of the sad state of affairs but simply because I am not on them. Trust me it is not easy being an attention seeking narcissistic it is a severe condition and I don’t like being on this side of the TV. Stupid people making fun of stupid people is just so simple and easy if Hamid Mir, Talat, Lucman etc. (Faisal just because you are a friend I am leaving you out of this for now and no you are not part of etc.:)) can do it so can I, and on many levels I am sure I am more stupid than them hence I am sure I can do a better job. Networks somehow just don’t seem to get it maybe I should go through proper channel i.e. intelligence agencies but they scare me for obvious reasons Intelligence can abuse stupidity. A stupid him/her (ahm trying to be gender sensitive here) without realizing can be very lethal. Anyways that was not something that I was looking for when I bought my (now haggard) big screen. I bought it to watch beautiful women on a larger scale, fast cars on a larger scale and play video games (involving beautiful women and fast cars) on a larger scale but I am not doing any of it (well almost I know what you are thinking but you are wrong).

So the TV I bought six years ago is not showing what I am looking for may be its time to get one of those new 42" HD LCD coupled with a PS3 and then I might say to my self that I am not sexy enough to be in it so it is OK to be on this side, I guess that might show me what I am not looking for. Or is it time to submit to Mr. McPhesto and agree to his vision of watching more Television! Television! Television!